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This article was co-authored by wikiHow Staff. Our trained team of editors and researchers validate articles for accuracy and comprehensiveness. wikiHow's Content Management Team carefully monitors the work from our editorial staff to ensure that each article is backed by trusted research and meets our high quality standards. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Learn more...
You're scrolling through a dating app when you see a man who seems perfect for you. Just one catch—he's divorced. But don't let that worry you too much. As you get older, it's much more likely that you'll encounter divorced men on the dating scene. At least in the US, nearly 45% of people ever married have been divorced, with the average marriage lasting around 9 years.[1]
Steps
Method 1 of 12:
Ask how long he's been divorced.
4[2]
How long it takes someone to process a divorce depends on how messy the divorce was and how long they were married. Generally, if he's been divorced for less than a year, those emotional issues are more likely to come up.
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Method 2 of 12:
Have patience if he's out of practice with 'dating.'
3[3]
To go along with this, it's also possible that he hasn't been romantically involved with anyone but his ex-partner for as long as they've been married. It might feel 'weird' for him, and that's okay! Just reassure him that these things take time to adjust to.
Method 3 of 12:
Let your personality shine.
7 Guys in their 40s, generally, are focused on looking for someone that would make a good life partner. Show him what kind of person you are, what you enjoy doing, and what's important to you. Someone they want to spend time with and experience all that life has to offer.[4]
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Method 4 of 12:
Be open and honest about who you are and what you want.
7[5]
Don't think him being divorced means he doesn't want to commit. Many divorced men would love to have the opportunity to try marriage again and get it right. But even if he's not interested in getting married again any time soon, the fact that he stayed married for a while shows he's commitment-minded.[6]COMING SOON
A good relationship with his ex shows emotional maturity. He and his ex-partner were a very important part of each other's lives for many years. Getting divorced and remaining amicable shows that they both accept responsibility for the downfall of the marriage and don't want to harm each other anymore.[7]
It's normal to have some feelings of jealousy or resentment, especially at first when you're still pretty insecure about his feelings for you. But keep in mind that his ex is a part of his past, and you are a part of his future.
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Method 6 of 12:
Respect that he has a lot of responsibilities.
9[8]
Method 7 of 12:
Acknowledge that you aren't his first priority.
10[9]
Likewise, if he's held up late at work, you might say, 'I totally understand how important your work is. You can go ahead and come over here when you're done if you want—I'll make you something to eat.'
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Method 8 of 12:
Take things slow.
1 Unless he's recently divorced and wants to keep things casual, he probably wants to take things slow. Usually, this means he really wants to know you and spend some time with you before he gets too emotionally involved.[10]
Method 9 of 12:
Embrace the fact that he's probably pretty settled.
10[11]
A lot of men in their 40s like for things to be pretty predictable. If you're much younger, this might seem a bit boring to you. You can encourage him to try some new things, but don't push too much if he seems resistant.
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Method 10 of 12:
Make sure you're on the same page about having kids.
10[12]
Method 11 of 12:
Get to know him well before you meet his family.
10 Remember—he got divorced. If he has children, meeting his family is an even bigger deal. This is a big relationship milestone, so just have patience. If you develop a strong, secure relationship, he'll feel confident that you're going to be around for a while.[13]COMING SOON
You don't want to become emotionally attached to a toxic person. The fact that he's divorced means there's a chance he was the reason the marriage ended. Keep your eyes open for signs that he isn't the catch that he seems. Here are just a few things to watch for that might indicate he's a toxic person:[14]
Abusive behavior: He insults you, yells at you, refuses to listen to you, or physically assaults you. If he gets angry easily or flies off the handle at next to no provocation, that's a sign he might be abusive in the future.
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This article was co-authored by wikiHow Staff. Our trained team of editors and researchers validate articles for accuracy and comprehensiveness. wikiHow's Content Management Team carefully monitors the work from our editorial staff to ensure that each article is backed by trusted research and meets our high quality standards.
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Updated: November 25, 2021
Categories: Dating
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